When 2014 started I made the commitment to myself to take this year to work on being more honest.
As I explore at a deeper level honesty I find myself face to face with dishonesty. I have found myself in situations where to be honest was difficult and challenging. I’ve discover there is an underling fear of being judge that was crippling me. I realized that when in these challenging situations I chose dishonesty I felt stressed, anxious and fearful, ultimately I wanted to hide and become invisible. But every time I overcame this fear and chose to be me and express myself with authenticity I felt at ease and somehow I didn’t care so much about being judge by others because I had put my focus on accepting myself and embracing all that I am.
As I see it there are different types or levels of dishonesty:
- little white lies
- lying by omission
- lies that manipulate others or situations
- lies we tell ourselves when we don’t listen to our intuition
- when the truth is too painful to handle
- when we fear confrontation
- when we judge ourselves or we fear to be judge by others.
Ultimately, I believe, any kind of dishonesty is moving us away from being present. We sometimes can justify our dishonesty and our minds are very clever in creating powerful reasons to lie. Ultimately I believe that we have learned to lie as a way to survive. We have created an unconscious believe that if we show our true selves we won’t be accepted and we won’t be loved and maybe as children this was our reality, we had to behave in a way that maybe was against our true nature so that we could be accepted. In doing this we have lost touch with many valid aspects of our personality and we go through life with a feeling of shame or guilt, a feeling of not being good enough or that something is missing in ourselves and in our life.
To be honest takes courage. To be honest we need to feel safe and sometimes we place that safety outside of ourselves. The only way to feel safe in ourselves is to challenge the fear and choose honesty.
I have a lot of clients that come to me because they want to be more assertive and I believe that the only way is to start being honest and let fear go. When we choose honesty we move away from survival and we then can start living.
How to be Honest in your Relationship
- Communicate in a manner that is respectful and takes responsibility
- Move away from blame
- Move away from being right or wrong, instead express/listen with an open heart away from judgement.
- You can not help but to be judged by others, people are going to judge you whether you are true to yourself or not. That judgement belongs to them because is based on their own perceptions. Move the focus from them to you and be aware of what you are judging in yourself
- The more honest and open you are the more intimate your relationships become
Whether we choose to be honest or dishonest we have to live with the consequences of our actions. Dishonesty creates separation from ourselves and others, we somehow become absent. Honesty creates connection with ourselves and others, we become more present. I guess is not about judging ourselves if we are in a situation where fear takes over and we choose to be dishonest but is to be aware of what we’ve done and the energy behind it.
Every time you choose honesty you become more assertive, respectful and loving to yourself. You then start knowing who you are and that creates empowered relationships.
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