The purpose of conflict in relationships

Let’s face it, no one likes to fight with the person we love the most. Some people avoid it like the plague and would do or say anything to keep the peace. There are moments that we can’t avoid going into conflict where we experience the hurt of separation whether big or small. This is the key: We Don’t Want To Suffer! because we don’t truly understand the hidden healing meaning this situation can reveal.
Let me talk you through this analogy that I always use with my clients and students: Let’s say you have been living in your house for the last 30, 40, 50 years and as you look around your kitchen you realize that the pipes are blocked and need repair, the fridge is not working so great and some of your food is going off, the toaster burns your toast and it’s been years since you had a decent cup of coffee. You know it’s time to refurnish the kitchen, so finally you put all of your creative energy, your finances and get the qualified  help to create your dream kitchen. As the works start the whole place is a battle field. You have no water, no electricity, the walls are stripped down, it’s cold and dusty everywhere. This project is taking longer than expected and you start to wonder if it was a good idea to even start as things are a lot worse now, you can’t even have a cup of tea!
This is the most important moment, you have two choices, to stop the work and wish everything was the way it was (you tell yourself it wasn’t that bad after all), or you hold on knowing that before creating something new we must let go of the old. If you can stick to your vision of your beautiful, comfortable and reliable new kitchen, the discomfort will soon pass away and you won’t know yourself having your double mochaccino in your new fancy coffee maker! As easy or difficult this renovating process might be in your own home, imagine how it would be if you are renovating the kitchen with your partner?! Ahhhh! often a clash of different styles and values, practical versus statics, cheap versus expensive and functional versus aesthetic and so on, you get the picture. We might see this as CONFLICT, thinking that we are very different, have nothing in common and we tell ourselves we are in the wrong relationship. We tell ourselves we must pack up and run or fight to the bitter end. When in fact, as I see it, this is one of the most important part in any relationship, this is the moment that we get to co-create together. If we can accept the other as they are, and if we can show ourselves as we are, then we can find a common ground. To go through this co-creating process we have to let go of the fixed idea that our way is best and challenge ourselves to having our fancy double mochaccino in the not so fancy mugs with the banner of your beloved’s rugby team.
Conflict is about four things: firstly shock, anger and strife, secondly acceptance of the others position as different from your own, thirdly co-creating a common ground and finally leading to a deeper connection in the relationship.
As a relationship therapist and coach my job is to help couples and individuals step back from conflict with each other and begin the process of co-creating that common ground. A common ground that is based on acknowledging the other persons views as valid for them but maybe different from our own.I find when couples begin to co-create together they become more aware and respectful of the values and needs of their partner, ultimately leading to more harmony, peace and a a deeper feeling of connection in the relationship.
The thing is, once you are both back to love, enjoying your new co-creation together, you open the door to the living room and you begin the same process again! The difference is that you are now aware of what is going on!
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Being Present in Relationships

When 2014 started I made the commitment to myself to take this year to work on being more honest.

As I explore at a deeper level honesty I find myself face to face with dishonesty. I have found myself in situations where to be honest was difficult and challenging. I’ve discover there is an underling fear of being judge that was crippling me. I realized that when in these challenging situations I chose dishonesty I felt stressed, anxious and fearful, ultimately I wanted to hide and become invisible. But every time I overcame this fear and chose to be me and express myself with authenticity I felt at ease and somehow I didn’t care so much about being judge by others because I had put my focus on accepting myself and embracing all that I am.

As I see it there are different types or levels of dishonesty:

  • little white lies
  • lying by omission
  • lies that manipulate others or situations
  • lies we tell ourselves when we don’t listen to our intuition
  • when the truth is too painful to handle
  • when we fear confrontation
  • when we judge ourselves or we fear to be judge by others.

Ultimately, I believe, any kind of dishonesty is moving us away from being present. We sometimes can justify our dishonesty and our minds are very clever in creating powerful reasons to lie. Ultimately I believe that we have learned to lie as a way to survive. We have created an unconscious believe that if we show our true selves we won’t be accepted and we won’t be loved and maybe as children this was our reality, we had to behave in a way that maybe was against our true nature so that we could be accepted. In doing this we have lost touch with many valid aspects of our personality and we go through life with a feeling of shame or guilt, a feeling of not being good enough or that something is missing in ourselves and in our life.

To be honest takes courage. To be honest we need to feel safe and sometimes we place that safety outside of ourselves. The only way to feel safe in ourselves is to challenge the fear and choose honesty.

I have a lot of clients that come to me because they want to be more assertive and I believe that the only way is to start being honest and let fear go. When we choose honesty we move away from survival and we then can start living.

How to be Honest in your Relationship

  • Communicate in a manner that is respectful and takes responsibility
  • Move away from blame
  • Move away from being right or wrong, instead express/listen with an open heart away from judgement.
  • You can not help but to be judged by others, people are going to judge you whether you are true to yourself or not. That judgement belongs to them because is based on their own perceptions. Move the focus from them to you and be aware of what you are judging in yourself
  • The more honest and open you are the more intimate your relationships become

Whether we choose to be honest or dishonest we have to live with the consequences of our actions. Dishonesty creates separation from ourselves and others, we somehow become absent. Honesty creates connection with ourselves and others, we become more present. I guess is not about judging ourselves if we are in a situation where fear takes over and we choose to be dishonest but is to be aware of what we’ve done and the energy behind it.

Every time you choose honesty you become more assertive, respectful and loving to yourself. You then start knowing who you are and that creates empowered relationships.

If you would like to sign in for a 5 day FREE ECourse please go to http://www.empowered-relationships.com

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5 day FREE ECourse “Empowered Relationships”

If you truly want to be in a relationship there is nothing stopping you but sometimes we just need to do a little bit of inner work to really connect with what’s missing within ourselves and to bring to the surface all the unconscious patterns that we hold.

if you are looking to be in a harmonious relationship
if you’re looking to be in a relationship where you like who you are
where you enjoy yourself with your partner
If you are looking to have healthy boundaries
if you are looking to create self-love
if you are looking for a conscious relationship

Then take this opportunity to take on this 5 day free ECourse.
Everyday, for 5 days, I will send you an email with a short video for you to reflect on and move closer to creating the relationship that brings out the best of you.

You can just register on the link below…

www.empowered-relationships.com

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A marriage of opposites

When we first become aware of a polarity and begin to work on healing it, there is a tendency to swing to the opposite polarity, as in going from passive to aggressive. But if we are conscious, we eventually find the balance between the two and become assertive. Who we are is a marriage of opposites. We are living contradictions.
Our attachment to happiness occurs when we reject suffering. Of course, we don’t want to suffer, and we see happiness as the opposite of suffering, so we desperately cling to it. But because we are motivated away from suffering rather than towards genuine happiness, the motivation comes from a negative place of fear. We can never find happiness from this place.
Ask yourself: Is your motivation to be happy coming from a place of openness and love or from a place of fear?
Once we can integrate suffering and happiness, we can be at ease, even when we are having a difficult time with someone or something. We can be neither suffering nor happy – just centred within ourselves, accepting and flowing with what life presents us.
We think of happiness as having no problems, having all our dreams come true – no financial stress or other problems. But what we really want is the feeling of ease. We can feel at ease, even against a backdrop of problems, if we can accept the duality of life and flow with it. Dis–ease occurs because we fight against it and desperately try to escape what we perceive as negative emotion.
Oneness is the ability to integrate these dualities.
In many cases we are motivated towards the spiritual path because we believe it will bring an end to our pain, but pain is a part of the human journey. Life will still happen, both the good and the bad, but when we have accepted our shadow self and the duality of life, our perception changes.
With spiritual work, we learn not to blame but to be empowered.
We learn that everything that happens in our lives is another opportunity to gain a greater understanding of ourselves, to integrate another aspect of ourselves we hadn’t been able to acknowledge (the shadow self). We develop more self-trust, self-acceptance, self-belief and, ultimately, self-love. It is only when we cultivate these in ourselves that we can be more open, understanding and compassionate towards others. Thus all our relationships improve.
If we believe that bad things won’t happen to us when we follow the spiritual path and ‘do the work’, then we do not truly understand the journey of spiritual growth. This is just another trick we play on ourselves to avoiding suffering.
Suffering has the ability to bring us closer to a part of ourselves that we don’t yet love or accept, to the parts that we judge or repress. It’s the shadow coming to the light to be looked at. Once we’re aware of this, our suffering becomes conscious, and we can witness it as well as learn and grow from it. Unconscious suffering occurs when we are not in control, when we are unable to see the gift it brings.
So again, the good news about suffering, when we move through it consciously, is that it allows us to connect with a part of ourselves we don’t yet know or don’t want to know. When we integrate all these parts through the suffering we experience, we become more whole and at ease, and we are less likely to be upset by events that trigger the parts we don’t yet love in ourselves.
Consciously embracing suffering means not that we become the suffering but that we learn through it and let it bring us closer to who we are. Suffering is cleansing.
Suffering brings us closer to accepting and loving ourselves, but we will see this only when we are ready.
When we take full responsibility for creating our reality, what other people do and say will still have an impact on us, but we will begin to see that impact as a gift, as something that shows us whatever baggage we are carrying.
Set your intentions from an honest heart place, from a place of love.
If you are not sure about how to do that, ask the Universe to support you and show you how.
When setting a clear intention, be sure to look at it closely. Is your focus based on fear or love? Are you moving away from suffering or towards love? Is your intention ‘I want to love more?’ Or is it ‘I don’t want to suffer?’ Look at the energy your intention is feeding you, and be careful how you phrase it.
Trust in life, and trust in yourself. Keep your intention pure, and try to become aware of any unconscious energy that may be tinting your intentions. Ask yourself: what is the feeling behind your need or desire, when you ask the Universe for something positive. Is it pure? Or is it hiding something negative?
Again, if we are negatively motivated, that negative energy will deplete us. If we are positively motivated, we can hold the intention with ease.

www.empowered-relationships.com

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Motherhood an act of service

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As a new mom I have plenty of joys and fears. There is so much information around, so many contradicting opinions about upbringing your child. Everyone seems to have a very strong opinion about what to do or not, what’s right or wrong. To vaccinate – no to vaccinate. To feed on demand – to feed on schedule. To attend every cry – to let your baby cry. To breast feed – to bottle feed. The list is endless! And as a new mom if you listen to every single opinion it can be quite overwhelming. I guess all we can do is to listen to our own inner voice as there is no right or wrong way of doing these things. I guess you just have to pick the method that suits you and mirrors your belief system.

When I was in school we were told that we start to raise our children from the moment we are born. This didn’t make much sense when I was a little girl but now it makes all sense. As a parent, every experience in my life, my values, how I treat myself and others come out of who I am and is this that is truly passed on to our children. It’s not so much what we tell them or even how we behave but who we are that they learn from. What we don’t own in ourselves we project onto our children by telling them how to behave in ways that we don’t behave ourselves. That’s why I encourage myself to keep looking deep within and see what unhealthy unconscious patrons I hold so that I can become conscious of them and heal them so that they don’t need to play out in my parenting.

Before I conceived my little angel, myself and my husband made the conscious decisions that we wanted to have a child. As soon as we made that decision I went through a very intense 2 year healing experience where I had to strip myself off old family patterns, limiting beliefs and irrational fears. Before I started this journey I hadn’t fully realized how fearful I was of being a mother. I consciously decided I didn’t want to pass on to my child any unresolved emotional issues I had so I went through a very intense journey of looking within. It was painful at times as I had to heal my relationship with my own mother and father. I had a very strong co-dependent relationship with my mom that was depriving me from being a woman. That little girl needed to grow up as a girl cannot be a mother. I had to heal the emotions of an unsupportive and absent father. Because of my upbringing I was afraid that I wouldn’t get the financial support from my husband, if we were married and both of us had decided to have this child our finances needed to come together. I didn’t want to feel like I was getting charity as I was focusing my energy on raising our child. For me to voice this to him was one of the most empowering conversations we ever had. I was showing him my vulnerability and in that moment I didn’t feel alone anymore. In that moment I had changed my family patron. I really knew that we were doing this together.

Before I got pregnant I always thought that I would be creating this little one but while pregnant I realized that this being was creating itself, I was the nurturing host. My job was to create a safe and harmonious environment for him to thrive in. I also learned that this child didn’t belong to me, he wasn’t my property. I was meant to protect, shelter and nurture him so that he could flourish and express his full potential. It’s not my job to teach him who he is as he is the only one that can do that but to teach him in the best of my abilities the ways of this world.

Also I had to take into consideration that my husband was also part of this process. I was holding the umbilical cord that brings in nourishment helping the physical body of the baby to grow and develop and my husband was holding an emotional  and spiritual space for the baby and I. Because of this sacred space that he was creating I didn’t have any cravings or emotional ups and downs. I felt held and safe. I see the man’s role in the whole process as lot more important than people give it credit for. Woman holds space for the development of matter, and Man holds space and anchors spirit. Together in Sacred Union they create a new life.

After many years working with clients I was very aware of the effects of birth trauma ( c-section, long labour, complications, etc) when left unresolved they can create feelings of guilt, inferiority or even worthiness and complications to conceive.

I wanted to give my child the gift of an empowering birth experience. I realized that this was his birth and I was facilitating this for him. I wanted him to be in his power. We had planned a home birth. We did hypnobirthing to create the right mind set. We watched videos of natural water births. We healed our family wounds. We had a plan and we were ready!

But things didn’t go to plan. We were two weeks late and we had to go to hospital and be induced. Even thou this wasn’t “our plan” we surrendered to it and still gave our son and empowering birth.

At this point, for me, it wasn’t anymore about the scenario but about my connection with my baby. It was my commitment to facilitate his birthing experience in a loving and safe way.

We had a natural birth without pain relieve and it was wonderful to feel him entering this world. When he was placed on my chest it was a magical moment. The three of us were family, linked forever.

Three months on I experience motherhood as an act of service. Giving myself unconditionally to the little one. My heart is open and my soul is full of joy! I’m so grateful you’ve chosen me as your mom, I’m committed to loving you!

Every night before we go to sleep I whisper in my little ones ears:

I’m grateful for your presence and the gifts that you bare.

It’s not my intention to break your spirit I wish to help you to embrace it.

I’m grateful for choosing me as your mother, your guide, your companion.

I’m grateful for the way that your eyes look into mine, straight into my soul, allowing me to see who I am.

I wish to help you to be strong in yourself, to be fully who you are so that you never have to apologise for being you.

It’s not my job to teach you to be who you are but to create a safe environment so that you can shine in your own light.

Maria Jesus Marin Lopez is a Breakthrough Parenting teacher and therapist. She is passionate about helping people create empowered relationships. www.empowered-relationships.com

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The language of SHAME

There is one thing we all have in common, we have all being children and we all have parents.
Different societies and cultures have different standards, values and morals regarding family life and the relationship between parents and children.

A parent can not teach a child what he/she doesn’t know or understand in him/herself.

What is shame? How can we recognize it in our everyday vocabulary? The last few months I’ve been observing how as a community we use the language of shame unconsciously. Sometimes we are shaming others or ourselves without even realizing it, somehow it’s been programmed into our brains.

Let’s just look at this example for a moment:
Little Jimmy is 4 years old. He is playing in the sitting room with some paints. His mom went next room to answer the phone. Jimmy is in his creative flow and as he looks up he sees this wonderful empty canvas called “the sitting room wall” Jimmy really wants to impress his mammy as she was so thrilled with his previous work. So there he goes with his paints creating his new masterpiece. Shortly mom arrives and she almost has a heart attack. She says “Jimmy, bad boy!, naughty behavior! Little Jimmy doesn’t understand why his mom is so upset. He doesn’t understand how following his creative flow is a bad thing. He doesn’t understand why he is bad, so he expresses that frustration with a tantrum. He doesn’t know what to do with the energy of this feeling so he throws whatever is at hand. At this stage, mom is really upset and angry that Jimmy is misbehaving and at some unconscious level she is questioning whether she is a good mother or not.

What Jimmy has learned from this situation is that to be creative is bad. He feels ashamed and next time he feels the creative impulse he might repress it or revel against it.
Obviously this is just an example, but I see a lot of people that come to me with depression or anxiety and in a lot of cases it comes down to shame. I believe shame is learned. At some point in our lives someone told us that to be who we were was wrong or bad and we told ourselves that if we wanted to be loved, accepted and/or fit in we had to repress a part of us.
In our example, mom could’ve realized that Jimmy just needed to be shown boundaries in a loving, compassionate, age appropriate way. A 4 year old perception of the world is totally different to an adult’s.
I think is important to separate the child from their behavior. As parents we need to teach the child how to live in the world but we can not teach the child to be their authentic self.

Shame and guilt go hand in hand. Guilt comes from the perception that we have DONE something wrong or bad. Shame comes from the belief that WHO WE ARE is wrong or bad.

I’m very careful, specially with young children, to use the dualistic term of “good boy/girl” or “bad boy/girl”. Lets explore this a little bit more in detail.
Obviously we need to teach our children how to behave in a manner that is respectful of others and of things. As a society we have rules for harmonious living. My question is, how can we teach our children to behave respectfully without having to use control, guilt or shame? As I said before, we can not teach our children what we don’t know or understand ourselves. How am I going to teach respect if I don’t respect myself? How am I going to teach a child to deal with anger in a healthy way if I repress my anger? How am I going to teach my child to be confident if I don’t believe in myself?, etc.

When I was in school I remember a teacher saying “You start educating your children 20 years before they are born”. When I started my healing journey of self-discovery my purpose was “It ends with me!” and what this means is that all the unconscious energies of fear, guilt, shame, etc. that were passed on to me through my mother and father, I was going to bring them into awareness so that my children wouldn’t have to go through the same unconscious patterns.

Sometimes I feel when we use the term good or bad boy/girl the energy behind it is shame and control. When the unconscious energy is control what we are saying is “If you do/be what I tell you to do/be I’ll love you and if you don’t then I won’t” When we use control there is always an underling manipulation that will come back to us through the child manipulating us because that’s what we are unconsciously teaching them.
What I have also observed is that not just negative words can be shameful (stupid, bully, know it all, lazy, ugly, etc) at times positive words can also create shame. Let me explain: as I mention before, shame is when we belief who we are is wrong or bad. Sometimes we want so badly to be loved and accepted that we abandon who we truly are to be “good” ( This “good” being someone’s perception of what to be good is) I know a few adults still trying to fill those shoes.
When we allow ourselves to move away from using in our language -being good or bad- we find true freedom as we move away from shame. I belief that we are neither good nor bad but that we are here in this world trying to discover who we are and to allow that unique expression of self.

So, when you are using the terms “good” or “bad” ask yourself, what is the energy behind it? what do you mean by that? Are you using the language of shame or the language of love?

www.empowered-relationships.com

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The Power of Surrender

Learning the Language of Emotions

Love, sadness and happiness are not good or bad – they are just energies that we feel. We all need to feel the energy of our emotions because we are alive. If we did not feel anything, we would not be alive.  From a spiritual point of view, It’s important that we feel anger, compassion, love or sadness, because they are all teachers. If I judge the teacher, then I am not learning. If I want only one teacher, then I am not learning everything that I need to learn. I feel very strongly that it is not these energies that make us do – destructive or constructive – things but that it is we who choose to do these things. It is my own doing that makes me either punch someone in the face or establish a healthy boundary.’ So I would like to clean up the name of anger and the name of love, because we are constantly putting unreal labels on these emotions. These labels are the result of our own perceptions.  Anger does not make us violent – that is our own doing because of how we relate to that energy. In the same way, love does not turn us into a doormat.  We do that to ourselves. The essence of all these emotions is that they are here to help us – to feel them and to learn from them. They are not here to be against us. That is our doing.

Releasing Our Judgement of the ‘Negative’ Emotions

We judge what we call the negative emotions because we think we feel these emotions overpower us. We don’t want sadness, grief, anger, but the truth is that by not wanting them, we are judging them and projecting our biases onto them. If, for example, my mother suffers from depression and I therefore feel abandoned, I then blame this aspect of my life on sadness. Or if I have a very angry father, I judge the anger that influences him. Anger and sadness are here to show us something about ourselves. If I am angry and I punch somebody, it is not the anger that makes me do this. I am choosing to use the energy of anger to punch somebody. In the moment of anger, I have a choice: either I can punch the person in the face, or I can tell the person that I don’t like the way he or she is disrespecting me. I work with the energy of anger because it is telling me to do something, but how I deal with that energy is my choice. The same could be said for the energy of love. Love does not ask me to be a doormat – I choose to do that myself. Love also does not ask me to be everything to everybody and then be absolutely exhausted. I may do that in the name of love, but it is not the true nature of love. Love means being kind to ourselves, too. Only when we are kind to ourselves can we be kind to others.

The thing about the human experience is that we want to experience and feel all the different flavors. It’s like trying different tastes: if you have sweet and sour, you react differently from when you try something salty. It’s not that the flavor of sweet and sour is good or bad because of its particular mix – it’s just a different flavor. In the same way, we can only achieve happiness when we are centred within all the flavors of life. Happiness is not about feeling joy all the time. Happiness is about being able to be in the energy of sadness – or any other emotion – knowing that it is what it is. Then we learn whatever we are meant to learn from it, and it passes.

The Positive Side of Anger

We can also use and experience anger in different ways, because when we let it in, then we can try to figure out what gift it is bringing us. How can one person trigger so much anger in another? Those who trigger our anger are not the bearers of that anger, because the anger is within us. They are simply showing us what is within us.

An interesting thing to do is to try to be thankful for your anger and see how that feels. Remember that anger cannot make you do anything without your consent, but you can let it in so that you can understand what it is trying to teach you. Anger that holds or judges an image equals destructiveness, but anger can also equal constructiveness. So be thankful for the positive – the constructive – side of anger.

Ask yourself: what would be the positive counterpart of anger? We have anger and we have passion, and they are actually the same thing because they share the same vibration. So if we are blocking anger, we are blocking passion. Depression and passion are also strongly linked because depression is anger turned inward upon ourselves. When we are not expressing our passion for life, then depression sets in. One possible way of getting more comfortable with anger is to try to work more with the energy of passion. Passion and anger are both very active energies. If you own your anger, you can be more constructive in your communication while still experiencing anger. So instead of judging it, take ownership of it, and then you will be able to feel comfortable with it. It is great, for example, to be able to say without projecting, ‘OK, I feel anger today.’ In my own experience, I’ve found that when I acknowledge the energy, I can then take ownership of it. At that point, the intensity of the anger disappears. But if I repress my anger and I don’t want to really experience it, and if someone then does something that annoys me, I may project my anger outwards by reacting. So if I were to be able to say, ‘You know, I am not in a good mood today’ – if I am able to get my real feelings out there, then that is a great thing because it releases the tension of the emotion, and then I can have a better day. There’s no harm in acknowledging your feelings out loud, and by doing this, you are being honest. It’s important to be emotionally honest, especially with the people who are close to us, because they are the ones who receive the brunt of our emotions. So allow yourself to be yourself without judgement.

Remember also that you are not responsible for other people’s emotions and feelings. Allow others to go through what they are going through, but don’t feel that you have to take it on board. We can meet in a place of integrity once we become aware of what is happening, and this allows everyone to be themselves without judgement. The same thing is true when it comes to helping people. In my own life, if I can help my friends, I will help; and if I cannot help, then I won’t . In the same way, if I need help and someone can help me, then great; but if they can’t, then that’s OK, too.

We have the right to be angry, and we are going to explore how to become friends with our anger. The power of anger, when it is constructive, can be very positive. When we judge our anger as being bad, we are depriving ourselves of life force that could be used in a constructive way.

Anger can mean ‘take right action’. When you feel anger, you have to do something to make a change. That’s what anger is about. When you learn to use that anger in a negative way, that’s when it becomes destructive. That’s not the nature of anger. The nature of anger is constructive. Anger says there is something wrong, something unfair, something unjust … take action – make a change. Every time you feel that impulse and you feel you should do something but you don’t because of what people will say … excuse you. You are disempowering yourself. Act in a productive way. If you feel that an energy does not match your energy, then leave that situation – go. You are responsible for your own safety. If you don’t feel safe in the company of some person or group, remove yourself from that situation. These energies need to flow through us in a positive way. In the same way that fear can flow positively, so can anger, sadness, grief – you name it. It’s a continuous process. You’ll never stop learning with anger, just as you’ll never stop learning with fear, with sadness, with grief, because every time you deal with these things, you become more empowered, more of who you are. The whole process becomes faster and you end up dealing with these energies in such a way that they start to help you. They are actually supporting who you are. At that point, you start to live your life in an amazing way. You flow with life, and life flows through you. You can choose life or you can choose death – ‘life’ meaning being and becoming empowered, being who you are, and ‘death’ meaning being lost or stuck.

There was a situation in my life at one point that was causing me to feel rage. When I felt this rage gathering, I thought, ‘Oh, my God!, I am sure everyone can see the rage that I’m feeling.’ So I thought, ‘OK, I feel rage, and I have to just go with it because it’s what I’m experiencing right now. If I feel rage, then there is a reason why I’m feeling it. I’m not being destructive towards anybody – I just have this energy boiling inside of me. I am feeling the pure energy of rage, and my mind doesn’t really need to understand because I’m not engaging my mind – I am just working with the energy.’

I was doing a meditation one morning soon after that, and I got the message to surrender into anger. So I surrendered deep into the anger, and it was beautiful. At first, I had such a resistance when I heard that – I thought, ‘I’m not surrendering to anger!’ … but I went deep, deep, deep into the anger, and the energy underneath it was beautiful. I felt, ‘OK, I can really use this. I’m not judging my anger, and I’m not judging my rage. It’s actually a beautiful energy that is here to tell me that there is a situation in my life where I really need to speak up. That’s the real issue. There is something in my life for which I need to take action, and I’m afraid because I feel that if I really say what I have to say, it will disrupt things. That’s what’s holding me back, and that’s what I’m really angry about. This is an opportunity for me to be empowered with someone, but the courage is not really manifesting because of my fear of what will happen. I know that if I don’t say anything, it will be a happy vibe, but I won’t be fully satisfied. So the energy that I’m feeling inside is telling me that what I have to say needs to be expressed compassionately and constructively.’ When I surrendered deep into the rage, that was what I found. I found that voice that encouraged me to speak up, and it was beautiful.

Surrender is a really powerful tool for exploring any emotion or quality. I was talking to someone about gratitude, and he was saying that he was totally into gratitude. I suggested that he surrender more deeply into it, and he responded, ‘What do you mean? I am grateful for things.’ But why just stop there when you can go even more deeply into gratitude with your whole being ? You can be grateful with your Heart, Mind, or with your whole Soul. Go deeper – gratitude doesn’t stop there – go deeper until you connect with the Universe. Sometimes I think we make a mistake when we just say, for instance, ‘I am a generous person.’ Don’t stop there – go deeper into generosity. In fact, it never stops – you can always go deeper. You can always be more generous, you can always love more, you can always be more peaceful… That is what I am learning about surrendering. Surrender more deeply, and when you think you are there, surrender even more, because it’s endless. If you stop at a certain point and think, ‘I cannot be more generous’, then just surrender even more; or if you think, ‘I cannot be more grateful’ – that’s great, but surrender even more deeply into gratitude, or anger, or whatever emotion or quality you are exploring. I am finding it to be quite amazing and actually quite freeing, because there is now no wall I know of – I can go more deeply into anything. It gives me a great sense of the infinitude of the Universe. So go into it more and more deeply until you are everything. Never stop.

“When we unify the polarities of anger within us we are at easy and we can be present using our discernment. When we turn anger into passion we are full of life allowing ourselves to take right action at all times”

I will be doing a workshop on “Learning the language of your HEART: Emotions” All proceeds go to the Charity Bliss, for babies born too soon, too small, too sick.
Charity number 1002973.
Please pass this on.
For more details you can contact Marion at 0876939356
Join me on Sunday 22nd April 3-5pm at Ballyfermot Resource Center. Dublin 10

www.sen.ie


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